Clash of the Musicals!
by SkeletonQueen666
Summary: Welcome to the mysterious ladn of Sparkles and Musicals, where anything can happen! Just watch out for the butt-swatting, cookie-stealing Panda!
1. Tis indeed an Awkward Turtle

_The lights come up on the city of London, England. The year is 1846. A crowd of people have gathered in a Cemetary for the funerals of __**Sweeney Todd**__, __**Eleanor Lovett**__, __**Beadle Bamford **__and __**Judge Turpin**__._

Undertaker: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the lives of Sir Judge Turpin and Beadle Bamford, and rejoice in the deaths of Mr. Todd Sweeney -

Random Chorus Member: SWEENEY TODD YOU FAT IDIOT!

_**The Undertaker **__glances down at his stomach, self-consciously trying to suck it in. He clears his throat and continued._

Undertaker: Uhhh...of Mr. Sweeney Todd and Ms. Eleanor Lovett. So...

Chorus Member 1: LOOK! IT'S GLINDAAAA!

_The lights fade on the Cemetary and rise to show a sparkly bubbe floating downwards, in which stands __**Glinda the Good Witch**__._

Glinda: It's good to see me, isn't it?

Half the Chorus: YEEEEEEES!

Random Chorus Member: No, not really!

Toby: Not really, wer'e at a funeral you blonde bitch!

Glinda: Uhhh...Anyway...uhhh...

_There is an awkward silence._

Anthony: 'Tis indeed an AWKWARD TURTLE!

_The Von Trappe kids from the Sound of Music rush on. They are all dressed in white and gold Greek-Style clothing. They will act as a Greek Chorus._

Liesl: (to the tune of the Sweeney's in The Ballad of Sweeney Todd): Awkward, awkward, awkward, awkward TUUUUUURTLEEEEE!

_The shrill whistle sounds._

Louisa: Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd

He was far too pale and extremely odd

He slit the throats of gentleman

And sent them down to be baked by a whore...

Tobias: HEY!

Anthony: SHUT UP!

Friedrich:

He shaved the faces of Gentlemen,

Who got ate and pooped out by clients of them...

Tobias: WORST. RHYME. EVER!

Glinda: Heh-loooo! Can I puh-lease have your ah-teeeen-tion?!

_A drum magically appears in Tobias's hand. He begins to bang to the tune of Pirelli's Miricle Elixir._

Tobias: Ladies and Gentlemen, can she have your attention puh-lease?

Do you want to know what the heck's going on,

For this funeral's taken a sinister turn?

And I bet you're all scared.

Well, gentleman Sweeney and mum are about to rise straight from the dead...

Glinda: Can't we just sing instead?

Toby: No.

'Cos they're ghosts now

Mum'll give you a row

If you don't be quiet

So shut up.

Glinda:

I don't want too

See a bunch of spirits

Ghosts are freaking scary

YOU shut up!

Anthony:

AAAAH!

Glinda: But they cana't come back to life!

Anthony: Why not?

Glinda: Because...

_She takes a deep breath_

No-one mourns the Wicked!  
No-one cries they won't return!

No-one lays a lily on their grave!

The good man scorns the Wicked

Through their lives our children learn -

Toby: I'm too young to have children!

Anthony: You're nineteen!

The Von Trappes: But he acts like he's seven...

Toby: LOOK! Up there!

Glinda: Oh, is it Mr. Todd?

Toby: NO! WOOOOORSE! It's...Its...

_A giant Panda bear with a tennis racket bounces onto the stage and swats __**Toby**__, __**Anthony **__and __**Glinda **__on the butt, the nexits the other side of the stage._

Glinda: WHAT THE HELL?!

Toby: YOU SAID A BAD WORD!

Johanna: I'm scared...

Anthony: SOMEBODY CATCH THAT BUTT-SWATTING PANDA!

Panda's voice (off-stage):

I like big butts and I cannot lie!

You other brothers can't deny

That when a girl walks in

With an itty bitty waist

And a round thing in your face...

_**Pirelli**__s ghost runs in._

Pirelli: I get FEEEEELINGS!

Toby: I thought you were gay.

_**Pirelli **__bursts out crying._

Pirelli: It was supposed to be a secret!


	2. Favorite Things

**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the musicals, songs or characters mentioned or portrayed in this wild musical-story thingy that I randomly decided to write.

Glinda: OOO! A secret?

The Von Trappe children:

Got a secret

Can you keep it?  
Swear this one you'll save!  
Better lock it

In your pocket

Taking this one to the grave!

If I show you

Then I now you

won't tell what I said!

'Cos two can keep a secret

If one of them is dead.

Toby: SHHHH! THEY'RE COMING!

_The Ballad of Sweeney Todd plays in the backgrond as __**Sweeney Todd **__and __**Eleanor Lovett **__rise from the grave._

Johanna: I'm scared!

Leisl: When I'm scared, I think of my faorite things!

Von Trappes: Oh, yes!

Louisa:

Raindrops on Roses

And Whiskers on Kittens

Bright copper kettles

And warm woolen mittens!

Brown paper packages tied up with string

These are a few of my favorite things!

Sweeney:  
Razors and Bloodhed

And freshly baked pies

Singing to my friends

The Judge's demise

Murdering people

They bleed while I sing!  
These are a few of my favorite things!

Mrs. Lovett:  
Girls in white dresses

With pink satin sashes!

Snowflakes that stay on my nose

And eyelashes!  
Watching the Barber

And playing with string!  
These are a few of my favorite things!

Von Trappes:  
When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I'm feeling sad,

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don't feel so baaaad!

Pirelli:

Seeling my wonderful

Bottles of piss and

Watching the customers

Wild with excitement!

Making the world smell

Like they've got the plague!  
What could be better?

Johanna:  
Hmmm...YOU in a cage?

Green Finch and Larks

And Buebirds and Rainbows

Ravens and doves and

Ice-Cream ad pearls!

Shimmering diamonds and rubies galore!

They came from Turpin, but not any more!

Artful Dodger:  
Stealing and robbing

Old people's belongings!  
Smiling at Fagin

While we're all out "shopping"

Looks of confuusion as their things are gone

Knowing that now they are where they belong!

Toby:  
When the dog bites!

Leisl:  
When the bee stings

Sweeney:  
I'll ALWAYS be sad!

All except Sweeney:  
I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don't feel so baaaaaaaaaad!


End file.
